On the east side of San Jose, Calif., there is an abuela who seems to have more grandchildren than she can count.
“Many people see me and they hug me,” Mardonia Galeana, 89, said in Spanish. “I don’t even know them, but sometimes they ask me for a blessing on the street and I do everything I can on their forehead.”
His likeness became featured in a painting at the San José Museum of Art and at a mural in the mission district of the city. But it is his online presence that captivates thousands of people who have come across photos and videos posted by his grandson, Yosimar Reyes.
“It really warmed my heart to see your Abuela smiling and having fun,” a user commented under the video of Ms. Galeana enjoying a senior center while others dance to a track by merengue singer Elvis Crespo.
Mr. Reyes recorded moments in his grandmother’s life on a private Instagram account followed by more than 21,000 people. Her posts showed a trip they took to New Orleans, their walks with her dog, Chulito, around the San Jose Flea Market, and occasional visits to the doctor.
Although Mr. Reyes calls himself Ms. Reyes’ “personal stylist.” Galeana, she was his caregiver first and foremost — driving him to appointments, managing his medications, making sure he had a roof over his head.
“I’m proud of the fact that I’m taking care of and dressing my grandmother,” said Mr. Reyes, 35. “That she’s not going to come out here in a muumuu. Her nails are also poppin and it’s a big self-esteem boost for her.
Francesca Falzarano, an assistant professor at the University of Southern California Leonard Davis School of Gerontology, has a term for the growing number of people like Mr. Reyes who share a behind-the-scenes look at the daily- day-to-day reality of providing round-the-clock care to elderly loved ones.
“In my research lab, we call them ‘carefluencers,'” says Professor Falzarano. “Social media is really the only way for many of these people to access support, education and a sense of belonging.”
Mr. Reyes, a poet and painter, was raised by his grandparents and came with them to the United States from Guerrero, Mexico, in the early 1990s. “Even when I was young, I was a caregiver,” she said. “I had to translate documents and help my grandparents navigate this country because they were older and didn’t speak English.”
Mr. Reyes, named the 2024 Santa Clara County poet laureateshe said she sometimes feels sad since she took on the full responsibility of caring for her grandmother during the Covid-19 pandemic.
“I’m trying to build a career as an actor and as a writer, but then I still have to go home and have to take care of someone,” said Mr. Reyes, who described her experience as a caregiver in poems like “Abuela’s Fever.” “Some days, I was emotionally depleted. And if he’s having a bad day, I have to make sure I’m not reactionary.”
As the population ages, Mr. Reyes’ experience is likely to become more common. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Preventionthe number of unpaid caregivers in the United States increased to approximately 53 million in 2020 from 43.5 million in 2015.
Chris Punsalan of Las Vegas, who became the guardian of his grandmother Anicia Manipon eight years ago, shared his experiences with her on YouTube, Instagram and TikTok.
“I decided to document us because I felt it was important,” said Mr. Punsalan, 30. “It wasn’t just for me to come back, but I gradually realized that it was very helpful for people who went through a somewhat similar situation.”
Mr. Punsalan, who has over two million followers on TikTok, has created content tending to her grandmother’s bedsores, cooking her breakfast and sharing the products she uses to meet her needs. Since the death of Ms. Around January, she realized her social media accounts were about more than just providing information and comfort for other family caregivers.
“At his funeral, my cousin said something that really stuck with me,” recalled Mr. Slap “He said, ‘Whenever I miss my grandmother, I have a library of videos to remember her by.’”
Jacquelyn Revere, an aspiring TV writer in Los Angeles, began posting about her experiences after she became the primary caregiver for his mother and grandmother in 2016. He says he finds solace in trying to help others in his position through social media, and the number of people who follow him on TikTok grew to over 650,000.
“When I was posting my mom, it wasn’t like I felt like I had to — it was really fun,” Ms. Revere, 37. work,’ and it became a place of refuge.”
The grandmother of Ms. Revere in 2017; his mother died in 2022.
“Many of my caregiver friends are people I met on social media,” Ms. Revere. “We’ve really created a community that’s very close, because it’s hard to understand the enormity of this role if you’ve never experienced it.”
While posting a get-ready-with-me-and-Grandma video on TikTok may give caregivers a sense of community, some viewers can’t shake the feeling that such content can be exploitative. Is a frail older relative in a position to consent to appear on a video, when the person recording it is responsible for administering his medication?
“That’s heartbreaking,” one user commented on a TikTok video of an elderly woman struggling to eat. “I hope you all have the dignity to stop posting these messages.”
But according to Professor Falzarano, the gerontologist, the benefits of caregivers sharing their experiences outweigh the risks. “It really contributes to greater awareness and visibility of chronic disease in nursing,” he said.
Professor Falzarano, 32, whose research focuses on dementia, family care and technology for the elderly, also noted that while there are various resources readily available for expectant parents, both are not necessarily say for those who wrestle with the end of life.
“We all have this universal experience where we will need to give care or we will need to be cared for at some point,” Professor Falzarano said. “Why don’t you start thinking about it now?”
Ms. Galeana, who will turn 90 in December, has never been able to return to the Mexican home she and her grandson left more than three decades ago. With no clear path to US citizenship, the two have created a forever home of sorts online.
“He’s old and he’s been through a lot, from poverty in Mexico to everything we’ve experienced in the United States,” Mr. Reyes said. “My goal now is to make sure he’s happy and not always saying how sad his life is. And people here love her and know her as abuelita. Nice.”
Whether it’s being recognized at the market or having flowers or care packages sent to her home by strangers who met her online, she’s become a local celebrity.
“As a little girl, I wanted to be an actress,” said Ms. Galeana in Spanish. “I was dancing and singing and I wanted to be on the cinema screen. But it didn’t happen.”
But later that week, after Mr. With her hair done and makeup done, she’s ready to star in a video that will be seen by thousands.
