“Go away, Colorado. Just goes to show you can make good decisions when you’re high.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“The reason the court threw Trump off the ballot was the so-called insurrection clause of the 14th Amendment, which states that no one can hold an office of the United States if they have engaged in insurrection or rebellion against the same or gave aid or comfort to its enemies.’ The insurrection, in this case, is Jan. 6, and ‘aid and comfort to our enemies’ is his side hustle.” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“The Colorado Supreme Court ruled yesterday that former President Trump is ineligible to run for president again, while the Florida Supreme Court ruled that he had already won.” — SETH MEYERS
The Punchiest Punchlines (Paraphrasing Hitler Edition)
“After facing comparisons to Adolf Hitler, former President Trump said yesterday that immigrants are draining the blood of our country and added, ‘They say, “Oh, Hitler said that in a different way.”‘ But you’re gone in the argument if you have to say, ‘Guys, I’m not quoting Hitler — I’m paraphrasing him.’” — SETH MEYERS
“That’s right, after facing comparisons to Adolf Hitler, Trump said that immigrants are ruining the blood of our country and added, ‘I haven’t read “Mein Kampf.”‘ Yeah, no one thinks you have . I’d be surprised if you read ‘The Art of the Deal.’” — SETH MEYERS
“[imitating Trump] Everyone says I read ‘Mein Kampf,’ but that’s a lie: I reached the same conclusions as Hitler independently. And while I’ve got your attention — folks, wait — while I’ve got your attention, and I’m just drooling over it, what can we say we invaded Poland?” — STEPHEN COLBERT
The Bits Worth Watching
Liam Neeson narrated what Stephen Colbert called “the new animated classic,” “The Indict-Mare Before Christmas,” on the “Late Show” on Wednesday.
What We’re Excited About Thursday Night
Amy Poehler will talk to her former “Saturday Night Live” castmate Seth Meyers on Thursday’s “Late Night.”
