“Instead of $48 million, they ordered him to pay $148 million. Basically they took the maximum and put one in front of it, which, if you ask me, is the funniest possible choice. They looked at Rudy and said, ‘There’s no way he can afford $48 million. So [expletive] this, let’s add another hundo.’” — SETH MEYERS
“That’s right, a jury in Washington, DC, last week ordered Rudy Giuliani to pay nearly $150 million in a defamation lawsuit filed against him by two Georgia election workers. OK, but he certainly doesn’t have that much money. You can also order a dog to take you to the airport. It’s a lot of stress for the dog, but you don’t get to the airport.” — SETH MEYERS
“No one is sure how much of this judgment Rudy will actually pay because his net worth is unknown, although a financial statement obtained in discovery listed his personal assets as two empty Franzia boxes and a paper bag labeled ‘Backup teeth?’” — STEPHEN COLBERT
“He defaulted on the phone bill. He bounced a check for surgery to remove his neck. He owes $1 million in unpaid parking tickets for parking his car in the living room of his apartment. He missed a credit card payment for a locksmith he hired to get into his house, where he locked himself in, and then a second locksmith he hired to get him out of his house where he locked himself in. He also owes Blockbuster multiple copies of the movie ‘Rudy’ after returning the ones he rented that he edited the footage himself.” — SETH MEYERS
